


Wishes and Destiny

by Cartoon_Idiot_59



Series: Uncle Idiot's 2020 Forduary-o-rama [4]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:08:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22943056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cartoon_Idiot_59/pseuds/Cartoon_Idiot_59
Summary: Ford Pines comes home.
Series: Uncle Idiot's 2020 Forduary-o-rama [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1626328
Comments: 11
Kudos: 11





	Wishes and Destiny

**Author's Note:**

> Week four of Forduary. Wishes/Destiny.

Stanford Pines strode into the temple, walked to the dais and knelt. "It is done, my lady." He said. 

"You retrieved the item?" The woman said. Well, woman isn't exactly the right word. She stood there, in flowing hooded robes, a glint of amusement in each of her seven eyes. She stood easily head and shoulders above Stanford Pines who was by no means a short man. She held herself erect, with elegance. There was something difficult to pin down about her. For instance, were her skin and robes red, blue or green? If one glanced away and looked back at her, it seemed to change. All in all, she was an attractive... thing. Being. Entity.

"Yes, my lady." Stanford Pines replied. He opened his satchel and a small black bird flew out. It hovered there, wings not flapping and looked around the room. 

"Excellent. The Hitchhiker's Guide Mk. II. A very dangerous artifact." Jheselbraum the Unswerving observed. Seven beams of concentrated light shot from her eyes and struck the Guide.

"I did not foresee this outcome." Complained the Guide, before it disintegrated into dust. 

"Another danger to the Multiverse averted. You've done very well, Stanford. I believe that it is time for you to meet...the boss. Remember what I told you. You have the face of a man destined to destroy Bill Cipher. I AM an oracle, after all."

A portal opened up and Stanford Pines stepped through. He found himself in a place that was no place, no up, no down, no shapes, only colors. Stanford closed his eyes against the riot of color, his inner ear bubbling at the lack of gravity. He wondered what he was breathing, there seemed to be no air. He had breathed fingers, once, he supposed he could breathe colors. He opened his eyes and seemed to be spinning. Or perhaps the colors were spinning around him. Perhaps there was no difference. 

"Ah. Stanford Pines." A voice said. Stanford turned and saw, well, he saw an axolotl. A salamander or newt with gill frills. It was pale pink and appeared to be about forty feet long. Or was it small enough to hold in the palm of his hand? It looked friendly, in as much as an amphibian is capable of looking friendly. Ford found himself strangely at ease. Perhaps that was because the thing's presence gave him orientation again. Above the creature's dorsal surface was up, beneath it's feet was down. Right? "Have a seat." The voice continued. Ford assumed the voice came from the creature. It's mouth never moved, but where else could the voice come from? Ford looked behind him and there was a Herman Miller Aeron office chair. He sat. The chair was configured to Ford's precise ergonomical measurements. At another time the Axolotl would present Dipper and Mabel, Stanford's great niece and nephew with bean bag chairs. Or perhaps the same time, does it make sense to use the word in a place outside of space and time? 

"So, Stanford. You've been a busy man. You joined a band of criminals and terrorists and helped destabilize the Galactic Federation along the Central Finite Curve. You put together nearly a thousand Quantum destabilizers to that end. I see you still have three of them. You defrauded the inhabitants of Lottocron Nine out of an infinity sided die. Would you like something more secure than a cheap plastic box for that? You helped encourage an lessening of tensions on Mewni. Monsters are being accepted into society and it didn't take the destruction of magic or the Multiverse. Had you not interfered, Star Butterfly would've done both. So you may have saved the significant magical sinuosity, if not, as I say, the entire Multiverse. And now, by bringing back the Hitchhiker's Guide Mk. II, you stopped the destruction of Earth and humanity in the Primary Probability Pocket if not, as I say, the entire Multiverse. Good work! You may be interested to know that I've performed a bit of editing. Megadodo Publications, one of the great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor, is publishing the Guide again. InfiniDim Enterprises is out. The Vogons are back at construction work, but that particular hyperspace bypass has been permanently shelved. The Guide is about to undergo a bit of a renaissance, Lig Lury jr. is finally coming back from lunch. The Grebulons now believe that Earth is essential to their horoscopes. You humans are too useful, not to mention amusing, to be wantonly destroyed."

"Are you God?" Stanford asked querulously.

"Now, Stanford. You know you don't believe in God. No, think of me as more upper management. Executive VP in charge of maintenance. Frankly, Jess handles most of the day to day stuff. Ordinarily I only answer one question, but I kind of owe you. You've helped clean up several problem areas." The voice responded. The immense (or small. Possibly very small) creature smiled. 

"I'm not really familiar with corporate culture." Stanford said.

"No, academia, right? Very well, I'm the Dean of, let's say, continuations."

"Jess?"

"Jheselbraum out there. She's a very able aide, although she can be a bit intense." 

"So, is Yahweh...God?"

"Who? Oh, no. No, no no. Very minor management. Like the manager of an unremarkable branch office in Peoria. Lansing, maybe. Think of the department head of English lit at Backupsmore. A petty little tyrant out of his depth. You biological entities put such stock in gods, when they're generally no better than you are. Now, Stanford, as I say, you've been very helpful. We owe you something. What does Stanford Pines want?" The voice asked.

Stanford was incredulous. "You're giving me a WISH?!"

"I'm not a genie, Stanford. But, yes. You've earned something."

"I, I want a chance to shoot Bill Cipher! I want to go home! Home!"

"Easy enough! So mote it be! Is that godlike enough for you, Stanford?" The creature winked at him! The backdrop of shifting colors tore apart like paper, disippating like fog on a sunny day. Ford found himself in the Nightmare realm, experiment 618 at the ready, with no idea how he got there. Hadn't he been speaking with Jheselbraum the Unswerving? That's not important! What's important is he has his Quantum destabilizer and there, right there before him is Bill Cipher! He set the triangle in his sights and, suddenly, behind him, a portal opened. His portal! Bill turned and noticed. It was imperative that he get to the other side and shut the portal down before Bill could get through! He could faintly see, on the other side, a man who looked like his father, fez and all, a small boy, maybe ten years old and...a naked mole rat? A large hairless gopher? All of them pinned against a wall, the wall of HIS lab by gravity effects. Is that STANLEY in the fez? The image shook, he HAD to go through, to go home, while he still had a home to go to! He stepped through the portal. His lab was a wreckage. The portal housing had torn free from its bearings. But his passage had caused things to shut down. His universe was safe, for the moment. People were talking, but he couldn't hear them. He was subsumed by rage! The man WAS Stanley, Stanley who had cost him West Coast Tech, Stanley who had pushed him through the portal in the first place, and now, Stanley who had spoiled his chance to shoot Bill Cipher. He punched him, right in the jaw.

___________________________________________

Time moved on. Ford got to know his new family. Dipper was a D,D & More D player too! That was a pleasant surprise! His fears were confirmed, there was a rift in reality, but he had that contained for now. The Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons campaign ended badly, perhaps he should have something more secure than a cheap plastic box for the infinity sided die (where did that thought come from?), But it had all worked out. Mabel was a remarkable girl with imagination, tenacity and enthusiasm. Dipper was so much like him, it hurt. And Stanley still had his ridiculous luck. Stanley had made a mockery of his research, putting underwear on the Sasquatch, using a priceless T-Rex skull as an end table, but he's Stanley. He doesn't know any better. 

______________________________________________

After the D,D, & More D fiasco, Ford was allowed more time upstairs to get to know everyone better. Besides being imaginative and enthusiastic, Mabel had amazing people skills. He had watched her become pen pals with the pizza delivery boy in the thirty seconds he was at the door. He saw why Stanley loved her, she was so much like him! She had punched out a unicorn! That was a method of dealing with the insolent beasts that simply hadn't occurred to him. Dipper's additions to journal 3 were remarkable! The boy was astounding, it must be suffocating to be so close with Mabel. Perhaps the boy could stay with him! He would make a wonderful apprentice. 

_________________________________________________

How had it come to this? Stanley, poor Stanley, memories wiped forever. Dipper and Mabel traumatized. The world saved but at what cost? How had I ever considered separating Dipper and Mabel? Why couldn't I let Stanley be Stanley, bad grammar and all? Has every decision I made been wrong? I misjudged Stanley so badly, he's the hero, he was always the hero. 

_______________________________________________________

Standing by the road, arm around his brother, watching the bus with the kids start it's long trip to Piedmont, Stanford Pines reflected on things. He suddenly remembered the day he had returned and meeting the Axolotl. He had been granted his wish all right. He had just asked for a chance to shoot Bill Cipher. He had that chance, in fact he had two of them! Had things gone the way he wanted, it probably wouldn't have turned out so well. He might never had even met the kids or reconciled with Stanley. He had asked to go home and he was home, more of a home than he had had since he was a boy. He had a place, he belonged, he had family. THAT'S home, not some address! Even the memory thing had worked out for the best. Stanley remembered everything important, his childhood, Gravity Falls, the kids. All he had lost were ten years on the road, running, hiding, prison in three different countries. Things he might not even want to remember. He had gotten his wish all right! Exactly what he had asked for. A chance and home. Ha! He had the face of a man destined to destroy Bill Cipher! He wasn't that man, Stanley was that man, but he had his face! Never trust an Oracle! Destiny. Was it destiny or the Axolotl? He thought about the bumper stickers he'd seen between universes where the interdimensional truckers plied their trade. ."The Axolotl is my co-pilot". Was it destiny or the Axolotl? Was there a difference? He saw a frilled pink face winking at him.

**Author's Note:**

> Some reflections. A fix-it fic for "Mostly Harmless" and "Star vs the Forces of Evil". Because I can.


End file.
